Dealing with a Mentally Ill Parent: How to Cope and Find Support
Dealing with a mentally ill parent can be challenging, stressful, and sometimes traumatic. You may feel helpless, angry, guilty, or ashamed. You may also worry about your own mental health and how your parent’s condition will affect your future.
But you are not alone. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), one in five adults in the U.S. experiences a mental illness in any given year, and one in 14 children has a parent with a mental health condition. There are ways to cope and find support, both for yourself and for your parent.
In this article, we will share some tips on how to deal with a mentally ill parent, including:
- How to understand their condition and symptoms
- How to communicate with them effectively
- How to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care
- How to seek professional help and join support groups
- How to educate yourself and others about mental illness
Understand their condition and symptoms
The first step to coping with a mentally ill parent is to learn as much as you can about their condition and how it affects them. This will help you empathize with their struggles, recognize their triggers, and anticipate their needs.
Some common mental illnesses that affect parents are:
- Depression: A mood disorder that causes persistent sadness, loss of interest, hopelessness, and low self-esteem. It can also affect sleep, appetite, energy, concentration, and motivation.
- Anxiety: A disorder that causes excessive fear, nervousness, or worry about various situations or events. It can also cause physical symptoms such as racing heart, sweating, trembling, nausea, or shortness of breath.
- Bipolar disorder: A disorder that causes extreme mood swings between highs (mania) and lows (depression). It can also affect behavior, judgment, impulsivity, and productivity.
- Schizophrenia: A disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and perceives reality. It can cause hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not there), delusions (believing things that are not true), paranoia (feeling suspicious or threatened), and disorganized speech or behavior.
- Substance use disorder: A disorder that occurs when a person becomes dependent on or addicted to alcohol or drugs. It can impair their physical and mental health, as well as their relationships, finances, and responsibilities.
Each of these conditions has different causes, symptoms, treatments, and outcomes. Some may be genetic, environmental, or triggered by stress or trauma. Some may be chronic, episodic, or situational. Some may respond well to medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes. Some may require hospitalization, rehabilitation, or long-term care.
To understand your parent’s condition better, you can:
- Ask them about their diagnosis, treatment plan, and progress
- Read books, articles, or blogs about their condition
- Watch documentaries, videos, or podcasts about their condition
- Talk to their doctor, therapist, or case manager about their condition
Communicate with them effectively
The second step to coping with a mentally ill parent is to communicate with them effectively. This means expressing your feelings, needs, and concerns in a respectful and supportive way. It also means listening to their feelings, needs, and concerns without judging or criticizing them.
Some tips for communicating with a mentally ill parent are:
- Choose a good time and place to talk. Avoid times when they are stressed, tired, angry, or under the influence of substances. Choose a place where you can have privacy and minimal distractions.
- Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel hurt when you yell at me” instead of “You always yell at me”. This will help you avoid blaming or accusing them and make them more likely to listen.
- Be specific and concrete. For example, say “I need you to pick me up from school at 3 pm” instead of “I need you to be more responsible”. This will help you avoid vague or unrealistic expectations and make them more likely to comply.
- Be empathetic and compassionate. For example, say “I know you are going through a hard time” instead of “You need to snap out of it”. This will help you acknowledge their pain and show them that you care.
- Be positive and encouraging. For example, say “You are doing great” instead of “You are not doing enough”. This will help you boost their confidence and motivation.
- Be honest and realistic. For example, say “I can’t promise that everything will be okay, but I will always be here for you” instead of “Everything will be okay, don’t worry”. This will help you avoid false hope and disappointment.
Set healthy boundaries and practice self-care
The third step to coping with a mentally ill parent is to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care. This means protecting your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being, while still being supportive of your parent.
Some tips for setting healthy boundaries and practicing self-care are:
- Identify your limits and stick to them. For example, decide how much time, energy, and money you can devote to your parent, and say no when they ask for more than you can give. This will help you avoid resentment and burnout.
- Create a safe and comfortable space for yourself. For example, have a room, a corner, or a spot where you can relax, unwind, or do something you enjoy. This will help you cope with stress and recharge your batteries.
- Seek help when you need it. For example, talk to a friend, a family member, a counselor, or a hotline when you feel overwhelmed, depressed, or suicidal. This will help you get support and relief.
- Take care of your basic needs. For example, eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly, and avoid drugs and alcohol. This will help you stay healthy and strong.
- Pursue your own goals and interests. For example, go to school, work, volunteer, join a club, or learn a new skill. This will help you build your self-esteem and independence.
Seek professional help and join support groups
The fourth step to coping with a mentally ill parent is to seek professional help and join support groups. This means getting the best possible care for your parent, as well as finding people who understand what you are going through.
Some tips for seeking professional help and joining support groups are:
- Encourage your parent to get treatment. For example, help them find a doctor, a therapist, or a psychiatrist who specializes in their condition, and remind them to take their medication or attend their sessions. This will help them manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life.
- If your parent refuses or resists treatment, consider other options. For example contact their emergency contacts, call 911, or take them to the nearest hospital if they are in danger of harming themselves or others. This will help them get the help they need and prevent a crisis.
- Find a support group for children of mentally ill parents. For example, join NAMI’s Family-to-Family program, which offers education, resources, and peer support for families of people with mental illness. This will help you connect with others who share your experiences and challenges.
- Seek therapy or counseling for yourself. For example, find a therapist who specializes in family issues, trauma, or coping skills. This will help you process your emotions, heal your wounds, and develop healthy coping strategies.
Educate yourself and others about mental illness
The fifth and final step to coping with a mentally ill parent is to educate yourself and others about mental illness. This means learning more about the causes, symptoms, treatments, and outcomes of various mental health conditions, as well as challenging the stigma and discrimination that surround them.
Some tips for educating yourself and others about mental illness are:
- Read books, articles, or blogs that share personal stories of people with mental illness or their family members. This will help you gain insight and perspective into their lives and struggles.
- Watch documentaries, videos, or podcasts that explore the science, history, or culture of mental illness. This will help you understand the facts, myths, and misconceptions about mental health.
- Attend workshops, seminars, or webinars that offer information, advice, or advocacy on mental health issues. This will help you learn new skills, resources, or strategies to cope and support your parent.
- Share your own story with others who may benefit from it. This will help you raise awareness, reduce stigma, and inspire hope.
Conclusion: Dealing With A Mentally Ill Parent
Dealing with a mentally ill parent can be hard, but it is not impossible. By following these steps, you can cope and find support for yourself and your parent. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is hope for recovery and healing. You are a strong, brave, and loving person who deserves happiness and peace.
